In this new era of unsurpassed political skulduggery, mediocrity is the new excellence: In short, pollies are only winning because the competition is falling over.
Wayne Swan, our freshly crowned Most Excellent Treasurer in the Universe, is the latest to accomplish the less-than-Herculean feat of slowly sliding past a tumbling US economy and stumbling EU finance ministers to glide to victory.
Euromoney named Mr Swan overnight, saying his “careful stewardship” had earned him the moniker. In the egg and spoon race of world economies, Mr Swan’s egg remains uncracked.
A far cry from the “bold, brilliant, and above all, brave” summary of Paul Keating’s work when he won the same prize in 1984.
Opposition Leader Tony Abbott is another protégé of the Steven Bradbury school of succeeding when flanked by incompetence. Mr Abbott is smiling and swerving on blades of steel as the Gillard Government crumples on the corners.
Then of course there’s Barry O’Farrell, who – as Chris Deal pointed out here – would have had to publicly regurgitate the innocent children he ate for breakfast to lose the election to the imploding NSW Government.
And yet, and yet.
As Ant Sharwood, the repository of all Punch sports-related knowledge informs me, Steven Bradbury may have had Lady Luck on his side when he won gold in 2002, but he was no Eric “The Eel” Moussambani, always destined for delightful tardiness.
At the core of his success was a nugget of genius. He had won bronze skating in 1994. He designed skates which were worn by Apolo Anton Ohno – the favourite to win the 2002 race. Who fell over. Ha! And now, Australia’s First Winter Olympic Gold Medallist is a legend, with a range of merchandise and a new career in motor sport.
And it is arguable that Swan, Abbott, and O’Farrell all have their own nugget of goodness, the grit around which the pearl formed.
What do you think, Punchers? Are they Stevens or not even? And are there any other convoluted analogies you can throw into the mix?
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Last man standing: The Bradburian Theory of Politics | The Punch
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Keating on Swan gong: "I don't give a f-ck" | #Auspol
When Euromoney magazine rang Paul Keating to tell him that Wayne Swan was about to be named its finance minister of the year, his reaction was less than overjoyed.
Euromoney's Eric Ellis claims Keating, who won the award back in 1984, told him "to just f-ck off" and "I couldn't give a f-ck". He then told Ellis to go to "buggery".
However, the notoriously volatile former PM eventually calmed down and offered up some (faint) words of praise for his Labor comrade.
Swan, he said, stood out for "his ability to comprehend danger and act decisively to minimise it" in the wake of the 2008 Lehman Brothers collapse.
Keating singled out Swan's decisions to guarantee bank deposits and splash on stimulus as crucial in helping Australia to avoid recession during the Global Financial Crisis.
"If the proof of the pudding is in the eating, Wayne Swan's treasurership brought us through this profound crisis," he said.
As for former treasurer Peter Costello, Euromoney claims he is "privately chagrined" that he never got the gong and that he "seizes every opportunity to pan the award". Costello declined the magazine's invitation to comment on Swan's triumph.